This is the third blog from a four-part series.

#2 Low self-awareness

Low self-awareness is probably the root cause of all human suffering. In the context of relationships, we are always aware of what our partner does wrong but we barely ever take a peek within ourselves. In essence, we are barely aware of our own actions, sleepwalking into and out of relationship troubles. A big part of our life is spent in judging others, day in and day out. So much so that our brain becomes quite good at picking out the shortcomings in others. But, we do not have an iota of a clue about what we could be doing wrong or how our own actions could be contributing to the negativity in our partner towards us.

Self awareness also plays a key role when it comes to choosing our partner. Greed is an inherent nature of human beings when it is unchecked. We always want the best. We want everything. We try to grab more than what we actually deserve. Unless one suffers from low self-esteem, most people will aim for the stars, even in matters of mate selection. By hook or by crook, every man and woman will try to attract a partner (based on either physical beauty or material resourcefulness or both), which will enhance his or her status and long-term security. But with time, after the initial attraction wears off, many become bitter toward each other as they discover other, less visible aspects of the partner. If only people realized that overpromising is not going to help in the long run and it is better to be realistic from the start, relationships would get more stable.

A lot of people enter relationships with high hopes of return on investment but cry victim when their selfish and unreasonable goals are not met by their partner. Every individual is multidimensional and has many qualities (both good and bad). But most people get attracted to only specific attributes in a person that they want to leverage and extract benefits from, like a parasite. Later, these same folks blame their companion when they confront other sides of the same person. Everybody’s focus is always on what ‘I want’, not on ‘what can I offer.’ Nobody has the self-awareness to pause and ask oneself, “what am I bringing to the table?”

Despite ambitious desires and what lovers may claim, most people settle for a compromise; the best deal they could grab and the best deal that was offered to them. And, if you look carefully, both sexes make compromises subconsciously without realizing it. For example, in some cases, two socially awkward couples pretending to be very hip end up marrying each other. Successfully, they have not only fooled the world but each other that they are the most happening phenomenon. If the deception continues, they might just have a wonderful life together. However, down the line, later in the journey, as the attraction fades and complacency sets in, they start to nit-pick on each other and living together feels like a jail time for life. An ugly divorce may not be far.

Without self-awareness and other life compulsions, most brains operate at a selfish level that wants to serve only itself. It becomes an issue when these self-centered thoughts start seeping into our day-to-day actions. Then we only focus on what “I want,” that creates bitterness in the heart of the partner over time. Therefore, it is imperative that we become self-aware before we commit to a person so we are aware of what we are getting into and what we can offer in the long run. This should be on both sides. Self-awareness helps a relationship sail into the horizon long after the infatuation has faded away.

Thank you for reading, I hope you will enjoy reading the fourth installment as well.